Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize