wanna go halves on a baby?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
