that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
