I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
