you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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