During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
