I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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