when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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