So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I believe in your delicious
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
