the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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