I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
