Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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