Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
