Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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