State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
