dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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