Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
