also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
