I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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