I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
