So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
