genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
