she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
