Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
