The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How does one acquire holy water?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
