You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
