i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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