she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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