he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
