Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
