I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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