I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
