There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
