exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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