I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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