Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
