today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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