I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
