Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think people are normalizing furries
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
