We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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