It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
