Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The power of my boobs compel you
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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