literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
