sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
