U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
