Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
