butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
