ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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