I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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