just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize