I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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