She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
