Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
