Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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