She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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