hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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