he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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