i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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