Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
