he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
