we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
