I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
