so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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