How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I am available for nakedness
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
