Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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