i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize