So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
where am i from again
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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