Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize