If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
this just has baby written all over it
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I wish there were birth control emojis
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
