so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
