I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
