So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
