I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
