I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
