did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
