i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
