I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
