If that was your dad, he is hot
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm too high and old for this...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
