Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize