The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize