I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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