i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
