You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Randomize
