Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
